bottom line

things have not been going well - this was the bottom line, and it was time she assumed it. not to everyone else, but to herself, alone. the last months had been dragging her down. pretending simply wasn't the same as being all right!
at almost thirty-four it was time she had life sorted- and look at myself now!? - she thought, making an angry face at the mirror. moving again, packing everything in laudry bags, no boyfriend, no fling, no car! a decent job, that's true. and a couple of very good friends. but not enough...well, not at this stage.
and to make it worse the last guy was still lingering in her thoughts. another one she could not get over... she had analysed the story a thousand times and every single time the conclusion was the same: it was impossible to have happened that way. so she decided not to think about it anymore. it was beyond her understanding. and if she could not understand, how could she forget? yeah, denial was the best option. best to pretend it has never happened or it was a freaky dream of some kind.
tomorrow the long weekend will be over. it will rain again. and it is marking season. depressing. and she has to call bt to arrange the new phone, and another hundred places to change the address. moving was tedious. not exciting, not happy, not...well, it was better than staying. staying was the very last option, second only to suicide. in fact, staying was a kind of suicide itself. but next tuesday it would be over. she would be out with everything she had. and create a homy atmosphere, feel safe, free. then perhaps she could find herself again, and things would get better.
summer would help, and she could go back to running - maybe even on the park! maybe on the treadmill at the gym. and the kitchen would be hers again.
maybe there is hope.